Sunday, July 16, 2006

Denial is it what the doctor ordered?

Playing in the atmosphere "Purple Rain (live)"

Denial something we all criticize, but something we can't live without. We all hate those people who deny the facts. Everyone recognizes their issue, but they refuse to acknowledge it. This is not the type of denial I'm referring to. This level of denial is not good for anyone. The denial I'm referring to is acknowledging something, but not allowing your reality to consume you. We need that dose of denial from time to time. It allows us to digest things a little slower. Too many tragedies, storms, trials come our way for us to take all of them on full force. We would lose are minds. So we embrace denial by becoming overly involve to distract ourselves. We create a Superman/woman complex/persona. Nothing keeps us down, we are always fine, and we can conqueror the world. When in actually, the world has conquerored us.

Playing in the atmosphere Kirk Franklin ft. Dorinda Clark "Hero" *nice album*

This reality was all to real to me. Sunday after sleeping for 8 hours I still felt sluggish and around 4pm I got back in the. After tossing to and fro I realize I was trying to avoid one of the test that will determine if I graduate or not. The material (business finance) wasn't coming easy and I was very nervous. Monday, I took the test and it kicked my @$$ all over the classroom. Nowhere on the level I thought it would be. Heck, I was studying from the practice test, which they provided for us. Last night I was laughin with my friend who also is in the class about how hard the test was. Today, was a different story. I didn't go to school,I laid my behind around read magazines and finished up a book. I ordered these graduation invitation already and a nigga don't know if he is graduating. I'm just in limbo. Yesterday and today were my days of digesting. Tomorrow I need to come out blazing. A brother is scared. My belief in God to deliver is very shaky. I have been in this predicament before and lest say things didn't work out in my favor. Heck, I haven't been doing what I needed to do both spiritually and academically (I've put in a decent amount of work though-I've definitely tried). "Faith without works is dead"...anyway, let me go get my cape and try to do it all once again. Everyone is calling I have like 8 voice messages. Superman is on his way. This complex is what got me in this mess in the shape I'm in. Instead of taking time off when my dad passed, I grabbed my cape, took off, and saved a lot of things, but made a boo-boo all over myself. Nonetheless, here I come

Playing in the atmosphere Lisa McClendon "You're so holy"

5 Comments:

At 10:34 AM, Blogger feels good b n FREE said...

Be encouraged!
I'm sure you'll do well on your test and be graduating in December (? I'm guessing) I been there. And it worked out. I was afraid something would mess up all the way until I walked across the stage and got my paper. :)

I'm gonna be visiting you often.

 
At 9:59 PM, Blogger Rose said...

I'm sure that things will work out for you. Keep a positive attitude. I hear that works all the time.

 
At 4:08 AM, Blogger **FIRE** said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I know I have a superwoman complex, but you have to remember you can't be everything to everybody. It sounds like you're a little depressed, but like DRP said, be encouraged. Easier said than done, but if you think it, it will be. After my aunt died, I had the worse case of insomnia ever. The only good that came of it was for the first time in my college career, I'd completed my homework days in advace and even cracked the spine of a text book (sad, I know). Whatever your going through, and however you're going through it, you have to make it work for you not against you. Everything happens for a reason.

 
At 12:43 PM, Blogger Essequibo said...

Hmmn, faith is powerful but not always easy to mainatin with every new challenge that arises. It's something you have to fight to keep - but I think that's part of our purpose to being here...that's one of the things we have to explore; faith. It's one thing to have that ongoing knowledge or belief that things will all work out, this is God's plan etc. But, when the real life shit hits you...it's a battle to maintain all that. But I think you're in the right place and everything else will fall in line. It always does, doesn't it? Some kinda way...

 
At 2:21 PM, Blogger KneeDeep said...

Well, for one you know what your short comings are, and two you said you've gotten through it before. This will be something you look back and laugh at.
KD

 

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