Monday, July 24, 2006

I'm gone

I'll be back mid-August

Thursday, July 20, 2006


I need the:
Faith to reach the unreachable
Faith to fight the unbeatable
Faith to remove the unmovable
Faith that stands the invincible
Faith that can conquer anything

Faith that sees the invincible
Faith that expects the incredible
Faith that can conquer anything

I had my friends pray for me the other night. Check Kelly Price out on you tube she sings this too

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Denial is it what the doctor ordered?

Playing in the atmosphere "Purple Rain (live)"

Denial something we all criticize, but something we can't live without. We all hate those people who deny the facts. Everyone recognizes their issue, but they refuse to acknowledge it. This is not the type of denial I'm referring to. This level of denial is not good for anyone. The denial I'm referring to is acknowledging something, but not allowing your reality to consume you. We need that dose of denial from time to time. It allows us to digest things a little slower. Too many tragedies, storms, trials come our way for us to take all of them on full force. We would lose are minds. So we embrace denial by becoming overly involve to distract ourselves. We create a Superman/woman complex/persona. Nothing keeps us down, we are always fine, and we can conqueror the world. When in actually, the world has conquerored us.

Playing in the atmosphere Kirk Franklin ft. Dorinda Clark "Hero" *nice album*

This reality was all to real to me. Sunday after sleeping for 8 hours I still felt sluggish and around 4pm I got back in the. After tossing to and fro I realize I was trying to avoid one of the test that will determine if I graduate or not. The material (business finance) wasn't coming easy and I was very nervous. Monday, I took the test and it kicked my @$$ all over the classroom. Nowhere on the level I thought it would be. Heck, I was studying from the practice test, which they provided for us. Last night I was laughin with my friend who also is in the class about how hard the test was. Today, was a different story. I didn't go to school,I laid my behind around read magazines and finished up a book. I ordered these graduation invitation already and a nigga don't know if he is graduating. I'm just in limbo. Yesterday and today were my days of digesting. Tomorrow I need to come out blazing. A brother is scared. My belief in God to deliver is very shaky. I have been in this predicament before and lest say things didn't work out in my favor. Heck, I haven't been doing what I needed to do both spiritually and academically (I've put in a decent amount of work though-I've definitely tried). "Faith without works is dead"...anyway, let me go get my cape and try to do it all once again. Everyone is calling I have like 8 voice messages. Superman is on his way. This complex is what got me in this mess in the shape I'm in. Instead of taking time off when my dad passed, I grabbed my cape, took off, and saved a lot of things, but made a boo-boo all over myself. Nonetheless, here I come

Playing in the atmosphere Lisa McClendon "You're so holy"

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Aretha & Luther Vandross - A House is not a Home

Yeah, I'm in on of those moods. I like the other performance a little better, but this one has Aretha.

60 statements

I'm holding on this week is proving to be the monster I expected. Going to bed at 4 and 5 am. I'm good though. I'll be back...this is a repost, but good stuff.

playing~freestyle by Joe Budden

1. I am an only child

2.I was born in 1983

3. I use to be conscious about being darkskin (this is a thing of the pass) much so, I stay in the house for like 2-3 weeks one summer (I was around 9)

5.I was a bully in elementary school. I was so terrible.

6.My mom transferred me in middle school and ppl tired to bully me (they couldn't move me much)

7. I've been the one of the most popular & best dressed persons in school

8.I've been the most hated in school (relates to number 6)

9.I had a temper out of this world (thank God I learned where to place/release that anger)

10.I stabbed my cousin and cause him to have lead poison

11. I use to love to fight

12. I haven't had a real fight since 8th grade (I whipped that boy @** He got one lick, when ppl were breaking it up. It's was ashame he was like 6'1 and had at least 50 lbs on me)

13.I'm 5'8

14.Some parts of my life I don't really discuss. I have yet to understand some of the periods of my life.

15.Even my closes friends think I'm mysterious and they know all of my business.

16.I use to go through small seasons of depression. (Those middle school & high school years were bananas)

17.Some people think I'm a nice guy

18.Some people think I'm confrontational

19.Some people think I'm shy

20.Some people think I'm a comedian (half of the time, I'm not trying to be funny)

21.I can be all of them.

22. Once people get to know me, they learn the thing they dis liked about me is the thing they enjoy the most.

23.I love to make people be direct with me.

24.You can't tell me nothing after getting a fresh hair cut ( I have one now)

25.I'm usually the cute one in the group (I may not be the most attractive pending what u like)

26.I think I have some narcissit moments (like my previous statement)

27.I have never drunk alcohol (well, outside of some sips of wine cooler when I was little)

28.My dad was an alcoholic. (Did I just type that)

29. I hate fake cockiness.

30.I love balanced people.

31.I can't take someone who is too much of anything

32. I smoked weed for the first time when I was 14

33.My first girlfriend took a terrible turn. (Drugs, sex, and shame)

34.I've learned some people don't want to be save.

35.I'm not the emotional type

36.I usually everyone's rock/counselor/confident

37.I hate being the good guy sometimes

38.I'm too much of a control freak to be the bad guy

39.One of my childhood friends was killed for $40 and two packs of black and mild

40.That was my reality check

41. I got saved when I was 15. I felt this tug from God since I was about 12.

42.I became spiritually unbalanced

43.I didn't listen to "secular music" for like 3 years

44.My life became church, school, and family (they weren't in church)

45.I've had some moments when I spoke propheticly

46.I had a rude awake when I was a senior in high school.

47.Everything about my spiritual life was called to question

48.I'm still not the same and some questions still remain

49.One of my best friend male got a little too "attached"

50.We didn't talk for a year

51.We are tight as ever now

52.I realize I had become too close to a friend.

53. After recognizing it it was shut down.

54.I hate and like attention.

55.Boy, can I be a slut in my mind.

56.I have a tendency to play stupid when I don't know how to respond to someone's advances.

57.I can be too cautious sometime

58.I think one of my co-workers want some

59.I was pushed on a bed by this co-worker

60.I desire to be open and let whatever love brings come. I'm afraid what may happen.

playing~"loving you"~Minnie R.

Monday, July 10, 2006

The face behind the words.

"Give me face I love to shine"-Big Mike "Kryptonite

This week is going to be terrible! This week is going to be busy, but I will rejoice and be glad in it. I should be really stressed, but I feel at easy. hhmm...this is what happens when you excersie some faith.

You know the saying "What is meant to be will be". What do you think about that? What if we possess the power to make something be or not. Not leaving it up to fate. What if we would have tried one more time? What if we would have put a little more energy into, would it have worked? Or do we hold on to this saying, which at times comes across as a cop out to me personally. Anyway, give me your thoughts.

My friends are going to be so mad at me. My phone is staying off. Straight to voicemail everyone goes...sorry guys I'll be back Sunday or so.

Thursday, July 06, 2006


Playing~"Seven whole days"-Toni

  • India Arie albums debuts at #1! I'm so happy for her! I need to go get that. I've heard a few songs.
  • The month of July doesn't stop for me. It's crazy! Every weekend I have plans or someone has plans for me.
  • I have been eating like a mad man.
  • I'm mad about re-living apart of my life, but I'm at peace with it (kinda).
  • Next week is a monster...PRAY FOR ME!
  • I have the tendency to like and dis-like someone for the same character trait....crazy, right?
  • I just started paying Star Jones some attention and I like how she is dealing with a this View thing. I like to see how ppl handle controversy.
  • This underground rap (Plies) decided to shot up my hometown.
  • Have you ever met someone who was so attractive that you couldn't look them in the face?
  • The girl who stood me up in Atlanta called me Saturday. I gave her a good 5-10 mins, but I was at a pool party. I'm not pressed to call back.
  • The ex who got married and didn't invite me to the wedding...I ran into her. She wants to catch-up
  • Ran into my bf we are suppose to eat lunch tomorrow. That is if her husband approves. Who is also my "bf".
  • I have a tendency to attract people who are already attached. I don't know what's that about.

I usually give bullets, when I'm trying give a brief update.

playing~"Stranger in my house"-Tamia

My truth

Monday, July 03, 2006

Atl and the question

I went to Atlanta a couple of days ago to find an apartment. I went to about 7 locations and found two that I liked. Rent $670 (1 bdr, 1 bath, 720 sq ft) and $743 (1 bdr, 1 bath, 800 sq ft)is this reasonable Atliens? I tried to find a central location in Atlanta and both location satisfied that. This trip to Atlanta was a mess! I was suppose to stay with PG, but she had to go back to Maryland for an emergency and forgot to tell me. I just crossed the Georgia state line and she calls "I completely forgot you were coming" and explains what's going on. I understood, but I wish I would have known that first. I had to get in contact with my back ups, which I didn't want to do, but I wanted to get this over with. The last person I called gave me a yes. Thank Goodness! I knew staying with him was going to be interesting, but I was ready nonetheless. On my way up, my front window gets cracked by a rock on the road. I'm thinking "is this a sign that I should be moving to Atlanta?"

I can be a hot topic (as my aunt woulds say) at times and my time in Atlanta proved that statement to be true. I stayed with my former co-worker. I have learned that "What do you get into?" has a lot behind it. I'm thinking extra-curricula and they are thinking more than my extra-curricula activities. At this point, I'm like oh Lord here we go. Inquiring minds want to it's going down. He stayed at it the two days I was there. I'm assuming he was testing me. Question after question, random tatics, and random statements, which lead to some good conversation. We agreed sometimes and others we agreed to disagree. With him thinking he is Magnum P.I., I can imagine the talk at my former job. What do you think about my truth? He's straight. He talks to PG, I see them together all the time. I don't know if I would believe that just b/c he is with her. So what are you trying to say. I don't know yet. Give me some time and I will tell you. I'm sure there were a few conversations like that. how do I know? That's basically how the two days went. Questions about PG, relationships, etc. I had one weird moment at my job. I knew this guy and this girl were debating about me and they invited me over to talk (analyze) me a little more. When I get there the guy acts like he has nothing to say, which really aggravated me. I knew he was the cause of me coming over there. Cut the BS!