Monday, May 22, 2006

(un)Easy conversation (repost)

Something happen to me while in Atlanta and it made me think of this post and my thoughts on this topic. Back when people actually read my blog, this post received a lot of responses.

"She is a beautiful women. Any man in his right man would be attract to her.....You mean to tell me that you never saw a guy and said he was a good looking guy? NAAWWL, women talk like that. Never? I mean, I saw Billy D. Williams in Lady Sings the Bluest and said he was a cool dude, I was like that's a cool dude." Halle Berry & Eddie Murphy conversation in Boomerang
This brings me to my blog topic.....Male-to-male conversation. I was not aware that given another male a blatant compliment was an unspoken law amongst men. This law was introduced to me when I was in middle school. Six or seventh grade to be exact. We were all getting in line to get our food out of the cafeteria. And someone thought this dude gave another dude a compliment, which cause him to defend his masculinity for all it was worth. He gets loud and ignorant saying "What? That is so gay. What do I look like giving that man a compliment? Do I look gay?" Apparently, he didn't because that ended the accusation of him giving another guy a compliment. I was standing there observing the whole thing. A question came to my mind, what does giving a compliment to another guy has to do with your sexual orientation? I was a little confused. We do know when someone is ugly, right? Consequently, we know when they are handsome, right? I grew up around mostly women, so I never really paid this any attention, but trust I made a mental note not to compliment anyone of the same sex. I never did before, but I made a conscious decision not to. After all, I didn't want to be accused of being gay. But the question still remains, how does complimenting someone tell you about their sexuality? Women do it all the time. "Girl you look good?" Well, I wasn't asking, but I had a clear understand that your androgen level was definitely called into question if you did.

"Nothing even matters"~Lauryn Hill & D'angelo

Until this day, I don't have a concrete answer of why statements of this nature are so detrimental to your sexual orientation. Again, women give each other compliments all the time. Shoot! They talk about each others @$$es, breast, thighs-you get the point. Rather or not I understand it completely I definitely abide by the rules. You DON'T give blatant compliments. You say something is cool, tight, cold, mean, fresh, fly, whatever. And the compliment is never direct, it's always about an item they have on or that belongs to them. If a guy called another guy fine or something to that effect, I could understand the eyebrows raising (for the most part). That definitely implies something, but does it mean that this person is gay? After reading all these books women are like H-to the YEAH!

I just find male-to-male conversation so interesting. I am a male myself and I'm puzzled from time-to-time. I'm like darn, when did we get this insecure. However, I have been guilty of this myself, so I can't talk too much. However, I'm not like some of these guys. There has been many times when guys say something to or about another male in a complimentary way, but they give like 5 disclaimer concerning that sexuality before they say it (the compliment that is). I find it somewhat puzzling. That makes me question it...what are u so afraid of? So a straight male can become a gay male in an instant if he gives another male a compliment? That's what we are implying essentially. Give me your feedback?

Windows media player is currently playing: "I just want you around"~Lauryn Hill


  • I'll post about my Atlanta trip in a day or so. I'm finally getting my real internet back. No more dial up...high speed (Wed)!!!
  • I don't need to get a job because I have a few things I need to focus on, but I have to get one. I'm determine to pay tithe and my bills ON TIME after or before those payout a brother will be....challenged in the finance department. What is a brother to do?! Get a job..I guess
  • "Wedny williams: Queen [latifiah] there are a lot of question concerning your sexuality, some gray areas, would you like to clear it up?"
  • Queen: "Nawl, let it stay gray" .....this was some funny stuff. I thought her response was Great! I love to see ppl carry on

This lady has been defending her sexuality her whole career. She is officially over it! "Let it stay gray" I thought that was the comedy for you butt. I for people to be upfront and fine with however you perceive their answer.

"water"~Lauryn Hill

As usual no proffing, so hopefully it's readable


At 7:49 AM, Blogger plotty said...

It's just another way society has drilled in our heads on what's acceptable and what's not.


And Queen gave the perfect answer to that question. lol

At 9:05 AM, Blogger The Church Boy said...

LMAO - you didn't know so many homos were in church leadership - HELL, some of the icons of gospel music and church are the best I hear. Nah, it's not a growing trend - ladies back in the day got off on licking clit and they still do to this day. Pastors and preachers got off on having a nice one massage their prostate...and they still do.

At 10:52 AM, Anonymous grayse said...

I guess I never really thought about this too much since Im a female... I guess certain compliments DO get the sideways look.

I love Queen Latifah

BTW- Your blog is FINE. LOL. Imrpovements will come as you write. ;)

At 11:44 AM, Blogger lj said...

Did quenn Latifah really say that...too funny

At 1:17 PM, Blogger NIKKI said...

Well Hello Thanks for stopping by my blog :> anyway Men will be Men (the straight one's anyway) but as far as them complimenting one another I think that's got a lot better, they compliment each other on clothes, intelligence, talent, and even their women! As a women I want it to stop there anyway, I can't have a man telling another he has a nice body!!!

As far as your blog goes, I say it depends on wether or not you trying to entertain folks, or did you create this blog to vent and because you just like writing...My advice is to just be real, don't worry about whose going to read, or what interested other people, just write how you feel!! those make for the best blogs.

(to the church boy-what the heck is wrong with you, thats disgusting and it sounds sooo gay.)

At 3:08 PM, Blogger prodigalsun said...

Guys can judge another man as attractive or not, they are more subtle with it... like In college, dudes would refer to me as a pretty boy or pretty nigga.

or if a dude gets territorial when you are around him and his girl or if they forbid their girl from hangin out if they find out you are going...

Clearly a guy knows when another man is attractive. But usually compliments about appearance are given by men because we are trying to work our way into something(usually sex). Women compliment just to make someone feel good, or share a happy thought. Most dudes arent like that...

So that is why guys (that arent into guys) dont compliment other men about their appearance.

At 3:15 PM, Blogger mytruth said...

Church boy what in the heck is going on? I'm really hoping that these are just rumors, because that kinda saddens me. People see them saying one thing and doing another...not a good. Nobody's perfect, but you can't practice your imprefections. I"m not going to get into if it's right or wrong, but if you say it's wrong stand by it.

Yes, the queen definitely said that. I was like DARN! She has showin' out for the 98(just a saying)...the interview was done 2003, I think.

NIkki, I agree with! That comment could definitely bring about some questions, but I wouldn't assume the person is gay.

Well, my police is NEVER assume and I call people out on assuming about anyones business period. It stops a lot of confusion. The saying believe half of what you see and none of what you hear has been something I live by (kinda)

At 3:17 PM, Blogger mytruth said...

great point Sun

At 4:27 PM, Blogger coley said...

Hey there new blog buddy!!! Thanks for visiting my page and for commenting! Feel free to come back any time!

About your post: bruthafree said it best! Society has drilled what is and isn't "accepted" into our heads from jump! But, through our journey of this thing called life... I think we can grow as humans and make our own decisions! I tend to say "who fuckin' cares what she/he/they think!" I think you should say what you want! If you want to compliment a man then go ahead! Who cares what anyone thinks about it... YOU DON'T ANSWER TO ANYONE BUT YOURSELF AND GOD! At least that's what I believe! Very thought provoking post! I love it! I will be back for more!

At 4:43 PM, Blogger No4real4real said...

Look a there! You are growing boy. You hit up a few pages and they responded to you. That is hot! I knew you could do it.

In response to your blog, I always compliment guys and have done it all my life and that doen't make me gay - I already am!!! LOL

That is an American custom. Many other countries handle things differently.

Umm the Queen is gay and her girl is hot!!!

At 8:19 PM, Blogger SMW said...

Who does Queen Latifah date?

Men complimenting other men, hmmm?

That does sound kinda gay, but I guess that is society's training me.

Another question: Why are gay men so damn sexy to me? I never understood that...

At 9:54 PM, Blogger Dayrell said...

Nice points Truth. I often wonder the same thing about men. But hey, I'm not a man, so what do I know? lol.

And the Queen is cool with me. lol.

At 12:18 AM, Blogger Rod said...

Interesting read. My impression is that men are conditioned to preserve and defend their perceived "masculinity" and anything that may be construed as gay is a threat.

Funny, but we did learn all that like 6th or 7th grade.

Very nice blog, btw.


At 7:21 PM, Blogger Harold Gibson said...

Man it doesn't last forever, now men still don't compliment men on their bodies but you hear more "you look great etc, the older you get. Pretty soon we become comfortable with being who we are.

Yet although we don't compliment each other I still think male/male friendships are often far more intimate (not sexual) than many female relationships.

At 7:43 AM, Blogger heartbreaker said...

yeah, it's like an unspoken rule b/c it 's a dead giveaway when a guy says things that usually a girl would say, never really thought about that before... ;)

At 10:50 AM, Blogger chris said...

I think our society is so over sexed that everything is seen as sexual. i think a man should be able to comliment a man without worrying about his sexuality being questioned.

At 10:27 PM, Blogger ManNMotion said...

I get compliments from men on a regular basis, and I try to give them. I don't think it's a gay/not gay thing unless someone has sexual insecurities - at which point we should probably feel sorry for them. As for the whole male-male conversation thing, it doesn't make a lot of sense to me either.


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