Monday, February 27, 2006

I am content!!! Sometimes that's the best place you can be. Things aren't a good as they could be, but not as bad as they could be.

"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."-Philippians 4:11

Friday, February 24, 2006

Rant

Darn, Darn, Darn
Playing~"What's your fantasy"-Ludacris

This is really not helping me right now. I could just yell!!! Okay, let's skip that song

My freakin' car is killin' me. Toyota must be crazy if they think I'm going to give them ~1000. These people on that Whitney $h**. A $1000 worth of recommendation for your car is a definitely a damper. Talking about putting a damper on things. On to more pressing rants...I need to go on a date or something. I need something new. I can't go on a date now. No freakin' money!!!! Money is a major issue around these parts! More and more am I becoming a cynic. I definitely have a pretty strong grip on the self-discipline part, which I appreciate, but I just need to lose control. Atlanta just might be what the doctor ordered. A week from now I will be there. I think I'm going to be disappointed, but we will see. I realize that you can't go anywhere expecting a BIG diffference if you are the same, so I need to get out. Any suggestion for my first social event. Oh I don't go to clubs. Okay, I'm off of the rant. What are you pissed about?

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Pass Weekend (long, but give me your feedback)

"Without a Vision the people perish"-somewhere in the book of Proverbs

Playing~"Between the sheets" Isley Brothers

All of the activities and nothing(fashion show, step show, concerts (one w/ common...I could have had V.I.P., after parties). I didn't participate in much of these activities. I'm such a disappointment!

Well, Friday I went to the fashion, which was very good. I supported a bruh! After the show, I went home, then choose to go to one of my friend's house to use their wireless internet and talk. I busted contradiction (that will be their name)! I'm trying to keep two of my friends from committing adultry (Those sluts...that's a joke)! They have convinced themselves that they are cool and they are just friends with possible adulator. LIES! There is some attraction there and both of you feed into it. I bring them back to reality. I am my truth!

Playing~"Come and talk to me"-Jodeci

Saturday, phone ringing off the hook. Brothers from out of town are trying to secure a place for them to lay their head. I'm not available this time my friends. I'm staying at home and Ms. 227(mom) isn't having it. I was in those moods when I didn't feel like messing with people. I felt like I had missed out on something from the previous moment. From time to time, my committment to my faith leaves me on the outside. I don't drink, go to clubs, and I'm always mindful of my behavior. Sometimes I just want to get crunk. Not to drink (well rarely), but just dance, act out, do what I feel (whatever that entitles). So I was a little salty and didn't feel like getting dress and socializing. I stayed home all day. Went out to get a pizza at 11pm. By the way, Sigmas and Deltas won the step show.

playing~"Body Rock"-Purple Ribbion

Sunday, church which was blah. I wasn't on it! However, I try to get a nugget every service. I got a little something, something during worship. Plus, it was re-emphasized on how important it is to have a vision. The question is, do you have a vision? If not, maybe that's why you aren't that motivated. If so, give me that. I went back to church that night. Visited my mom church and to my disbelieve it was fire. Very good point made...your mind determines your direction, but your emotions determine your will. I was like that is very good. It so important to make sure your emotions don't control you. I'm pretty good and keeping that together.

Sex
Have you ever not been horny, but had an intense sexual feeling, but it's not horniness. I dare to say it surpasses it. It's like this primitive, animalistic lust/desire. Please, don't try to make me feel crazy. I talked to one of my friends about it and they knew exactly what I was talking about. Give me your feedback

Thursday, February 16, 2006

No more Mr. Nice Guy
I cut off my high speed internet the end of Jan. and I decided to use the school's dial up. Well, little did I remember there is a minute limit. I ran out of my mins. for the month. Thus, no internet for me. THIS IS NOT GOING TO WORK! I'm in a computer lab now using their wireless internet. This is a mess! I can't believe it. If anyone read the previous post, I let it go. He will reap what he sowed. I'm waiting for it all to fall down on him. He lies so much, he believes the lies. He talks to me like regular and all. I love everyone, so I have no problems talking to him.

The BIG WEEKEND
This weekend maybe my last BSU/BHM/FISS weekend: Fashion Show, Comedy Show, and Step show! So for the next few days I will be out and about. I just notice Miss. Suezette has organized a little bash for all the alumni, so this will be interesting. Other than that, I'm chillin' and finally gettting some use out of my laptop that I got for graduation. I will have updates after this weekend. I still can't believe I'm moving in two weeks. It's unreal...me moving? I will be living so humble, because I'm trying to save money and do it BIG later.

Even with the internet off, I'm going to try and keep up with everyone and blog as usual. Twice a week or so...u know.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Checking in

"Come back to the middle"-India

Playing~"love pomes"- Bilal

Nothing special has been going on folks. I've been quite the social butterfly this week. I've found that if I can get myself dress, I'm very social. I met Dr. Michael Dyson this week. He is great! I got a chance to grab a fleeting dinner with him. It was suppose to be an hour. Well, traveling reduce out encounter to 10-15 mins. I was like darn! Why do people try to put on a front with a person they perceive to be an intellectual or celebrity? People were too much...he was taken aback. I was borderline offended myself (in my mind, I was saying "sit your bleep down"). He's such a cool guy and they were looking stupid. Don't get me wrong, you want to be on point and discuss their work, but stay in your realm. Don't become Mr./ Mrs. Pro Black or Guru of all things black. I'm so happy I'm over that stage. He balances out well...sometimes he can be a little questionable, but who is perfect?

Playing "Thank Him" -Ted and Sheri

********I feel a rant coming on**************
After the event my friend and I talked about the current state of the blacks at our school. My school is a political mess! Most of the Blacks backstab, front, lie, and unconsciously become "hood" (trying to keep the uninformed blacks on their side..gotta go those votes) Uncle Toms. I too was almost a victim, but I couldn't deal with all the politics and I understood my position. I was a pawn in the game of chess. We all are, but we will sacrifice it all to say our organization run the yard and it is a must we have that BIG resume. In actuality, few to none are qualified to do the job and if they are, they don't help out the BLACK people, like we assume they would. I'm learning to be much more critical of black leaders or ones we coin as our leaders (i.e. Clinton)
**************************************************************
Later that week, a group of my friends and I went to a Black History Month production. Left that and went to the Movies (final destination)...it's just like the previous two, so if u like those, you will like this one. After that we went to IHOP. I really enjoyed their fellowship. This big step show is next week (the biggest one in the southeast by FAR!). The Celebes will come and all the steppers and strollers weeks of rehearsal will be on display. The BIGGEST battle is always between the the Ks and Reds. These ladies won't be defeated. They battle the whole show...lol. My boys better win...well, I don't know what they are going to do, but we will see. I'm finding these things to be less and less amusing.

Playing"beautiful ones"-Prince

Monday, February 06, 2006

My first time

There is a first time for everything......

Playing "crusin' together"~ Smokie Robinson

My first sex party
I wasn't ready for this. I'm like what in the world is going on and how did this happen. Of course, I wasn't involved in any of the debauchery that took place. It was on the same floor of my hotel room. I was like these ppl are paying a lot of money to have a screw. They paid at least $120 and I'm thinking they spent more. I was in the hotel room a few doors down. I kept hearing groups of men and women (mostly men) coming onto our floor and to the same room. Thought it was a little weird, but I ignored it. Thinking family members are visiting. Well, around 3 or 4 am one of the ladies got a little upset. She decides to come outside and yell at this man. "Why are you walking butt @** naked with her?" At this point, I'm mad b/c I've been hearing the commotion for some time now. I wanted to walk out there and tell the lady to get over it, there seems to be a lot of bleep in the room for you, shut up.

Counseling
Yep, I'm officially a nutt case....lol. Actually, I went there ran into a few ppl I knew, that was funny and awkwared. I wanted to say, you're crazy too. I thought I was alone. I don't think that would have been protocol. I had my session with the thearpist and she was a bit taken way. I gave her all the answer, which I already knew I would, but I just wanted the confirmation. My purpose of going there was to get some affirmation on many of things that took place the last year and a half. I had taken myself through the healing process. In spite of my revelations she was a great encourager and spoke to me on a personal level. The thearpist in her left once she notice I had covered mostly everything. She gave me some additional advice and we almost had church in her office. It felt like I was talking to one of my friends about my spiritual life. I did not touch on my sometimes anti-social issue. I kinda forgot. It's not that big of a deal. Everyone thinks I'm this social person, but I'm really not. I don't do must ppl. Their personalities are either too much or too little. Where are the balance ppl at? It think it's my mindset and my age group. The thearpist thought I was quite mature and honest. I think that shocked her (my honesty made her laugh a few times). Yeah, that has to be my problem with my social issue. I'm just ahead of my time in my age group. I'm also big on me, which can come across as moody. I like to be alone w/ my thoughts often. My close friends are either very mature (they're married and established in a sense) or older like 26. I'm 22 years of age.

Extra:
I have been travelling up a storm. Atlanta, tampa, and home twice. All that in a weekend. Craziness.

Good news I found the place I will be staying. I took the sublease I talked about, so I'm free from everything when I'm done with the job, if I don't get it. It's also very cheap. Bad news: I hate it! That's all that I can say. It's VERY small, the build is not up to par. I feel like I stay in some hood in New York. The building is super tall, many apartments...just like the projects. However, the area i'm in is good/decent. I'm like 10 mins. from downtown.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

This is your time, leave nothing to chance

"Who never left home, who never stroke out, to find a dream and a life of their own........wide open spaces room to make the BIG mistake. [he] needs new face and knows the high states"-Dixie chicks

Y'all I'm freaked out. I'm moving like 4 weeks from now and I'm nervous. Mr. play it safe, is not playing it that safe anymore. I have so many issues with this move, but it's needed. Good reasons: I have a job (well, internship...with the chance of full-time directly after internship ~70% of us will become full-time), I desire the change and really want it. I've been in my current town for 22 yrs and it's not that grand. I'm over it. Bad reasons: I have yet to decided on place, which is insane. Two problems...I will have to travel up there again. First, I really don't feel like spending all that money on gas, but I don't have a choice. Second, I trying to figure out if I need to take a sublease or not. I'm not pleased about the sublease. It won't be in my name, b/c she can't transfer it to finish out her lease, so they could kick me out at any give time, not a good look. Plus, the apartment is really small, but it's cheap and downtown. If I take a lease and I don't get hired. I will have 3.5 months of rent to pay without the job. Very risky!

Playing~ "Beauty is her name"-Dru Hill I use to have this crush on this girl and this was her song. lol high school, high school. Then, I decided not to go to prom with her. I wasn't the place for "christians" to be. I missed my darn prom!

"I would be pissed off, if I wasn't being pissed on"-Me

I was mad like 3-4 hours ago at my current financial state. Then, I had to realize I should be mad at myself. Forgot about everyone who said they were sending me money and didn't. I am responsible for my own financial well being. I did't want to take a "serious" job b/c I was going to be here for two months, so I want to take on a casusal one. I filled out like 4 or 5 applications and went to about 10 places. For some reason people aren't hiring and if they were they decided not to hire me. Outside of one, which I couldn't take because somehow I qualified for a job outside of my home town. Well, I need to take my behind to somebody's place of employement and get hired. I realize, if I moved I would be dead broke after paying rent. Heck, if I had enough to pay. It's expensive to move. Rental truck ($310), gas (~$50), application fee (~$25), rent(~$550), etc.

I've been praying for like 2 months now and I feel like I should go. It's life obstacles that make me like oh God what am I thinking. We could walk on water if we didn't doubt. Atlanta here I come.

Playing~ "Emotional rollercoaster"-Vivian Green (how fitting for this to come on. I have my music playing randomly)

R.I.P. Mrs. King...we are losing some great people. It's time for us to step up to the plate and carry the charge they once carried.