Sunday, December 18, 2005

After the storm

As everyone is celebrating and enjoying the food I'm nervous and in a daze (I graduated today). Thinking about the struggle I've been going through for the pass 2 years. How much things have changed and the questions that accompany those changes. I'm waiting to check my grades, thinking about the job offers my friends have and my job offer. When I move will that become my permanent location as I desire? Where am I going to work inbetween time? I need money to move. Would my father be here if he was alive? How am I going to get myself out of this BIG mess I've created?

*Warning I'm about to go into issues w/ my faith...don't know if u want to read*

Do I still want to stay with my faith (chosen religion) ? If I don't, what am I going to do b/c it's all I've known. In high school and beginning of college (first two years). I was one of those Christians that a lot of people dis-like and respected at the same time. Why? Because I gave them no room to question my faithfulness to my faith. I wasn't judgmental, but I was very strict with myself and didn't mind sharing the gospel with anyone, anytime. I remember taking the cord to my radio to school with me b/c I didn't want my cousins to listen to "secular" music on it. I didn't go to prom, broke up with my girlfriend and cut off friends. Anything that could be a hindrance to my relationship with God. It was removed! I have digress of the pass two years, but I didn't change too much. I haven't been in anyones club, drunk anyones liquor, been in anyones bed in a sexual way, but I'm not as faithful, careful, and mindful as I once was. Some of the "secular" things I picked up over the pass two years are being re-adjusted. One thing I have learned is it's not by works, but by grace.

I don't know what to think about my relationship with God. I just feel let down. I don't know if it's me who has changed or my expectations, because God doesn't change per his word (the Bible). Whatever it is, I have been experiencing some MAJOR dissonance in my relationship with him and I don't know what to do. I starting to have a slight problem digesting the fact that I am always the problem, if there is any failure or shortcoming. However, I can accept this fact. God doesn't make mistakes, but I'm not quite sure about me being the problem. When it's a blessing it's God. When God allows or takes you through something tough. God is testing you and he will bring you out alright. "All things work together for the good of them that love him". So when the END results don't work in your favor...what do we say? It's not the end...what?! Faith is an infallible, intangible, unmeasurable thing. Thus, it can always be justified. Either you believe or you don't. I have to make some crucial decisions about my life holistically. I have decided that the theme for 2006 will be "after the storm"......It's time for the sun to shine. After 2 years of being quasi (by no means am I sad), it's time for the storm to go away.

Track that describes my life right now is: "My Life" Mary J. Blige

9 Comments:

At 1:55 AM, Blogger Rose said...

Only thing I can say is to keep praying about it all. Never stop until something happens. I think if you look back during the storm you will see that he was always there....

 
At 10:41 AM, Blogger The Humanity Critic said...

I agree with rose, never stop. Congrats by the way..

 
At 2:30 PM, Blogger mytruth said...

I have no choice, but to keep going. However, the direction I am headed in is being called into question or maybe my definition of it. Me being the predicitable person that I am. This is just a moment of discontment. I'll stick to the plan. For better or for worse.

 
At 1:30 PM, Blogger Sunshine said...

Wow. Your post was very thought-provoking. I am usually very comical when leaving comments on random sites but allow me to just say that I respect the way that you have chosen to live your life.

Ultimately, it is just that - YOUR life. God allows us to make our own choices. I believe that while it may seem like it, when you put Him first, things will always in all ways work out in your favor.

The reason things seem to work against us is because we're trying to fight it. Think about the seat belt - the more resistance applied to it the more it tightens to hold you in. Let go. Work and walk with God and you'll find that things get alot easier.

I have a feeling you won't really need this advice but I just wanted to sound smart today! : ) Keep up the good work.

p.s. - I love that "My Life" track. Next to "I'm in Love" it's my favorite Mary joint ever.

 
At 1:31 PM, Blogger Sunshine said...

Congrats on graduating, by the way. Very commendable.

 
At 11:04 AM, Blogger Honey-Libra said...

Congrats on graduating. God allows us to go through things because he knows that we are strong enough to deal with it. It's funny because we are going through we don't fully understand why then once it's over....it all becomes clear. I guess it's like the feeling you get when you have a surprise party...you don't know what's going on but you're glad you're there lol...I am trying to do better as far as my relationship with God...good to know that there are others who struggle as well (take care and be Blessed)

 
At 4:01 PM, Blogger princessdominique said...

Congrats on the graduation. I pray you go on to do great things!!!!!

 
At 8:22 PM, Blogger Domite said...

My lil Bro congrats on taking a big step in the rest of your life. I can remember back when I graduated and was anxious about stepping into the real world. One thing being poor taught me was never worry about money. It will be there eventually and you know all to well the Lord will make a way out of NO way.

And BTW you are better than anyone who frowns on you, otherwise they wouldn't be hating in the first place. Don't ever be ashamed of your alignment with God, Because God is Love and he is always at your back, side and front.

Domite

Holla

 
At 3:41 PM, Blogger LivingSingle said...

Congratulations!! YOU DID IT!! I'm proud of ya!!

 

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