Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Life or death u decide

"Life in death is in the power of the tongue" Prov. 18 (can't remember verse)
*I want to encourage everyone to speak life over issues that are important to you, that appear to be dead. Speak Death over issues that you shouldn't even be entertaining.*

We must use the power we have to enhance ourselves. Don't just speak, plan, implement and follow up with the issues you are speaking to.

Before I suffer my mouth to utter a complaint or frustration, I'm going to let you all know the good things that's going on with me.
Good things:
1.) I'm alive and I have all the necessities of life.
2.) I got money in the back less than a thousand, but more than 500.
3.)My family members are alive and well.
4.)I have job offers
5.)I won brother of the year at conference
6.)I have friends
7.)Mary J. blige is coming out with an album on 12/06 and the first single is blazing.
8.) I'm doing very well in one of my classes.
9.)I have some luxuries (i.e. car, computer, etc.)
10.)I'm half way in my right mind.
*why was I struggling trying to find 10 things*

Took Finance test today....M E S S. I just knew, I knew the material...aahhhmm we will see. I think I did okay, but we will see. I have to go speak with my managerial economics teacher and let him know he must grant me favor. I'm willing to work to bring my grade up. I'm not looking for a handout I just need some assistance.

I'm seriously thinking about going to see our school psychologist. Lawd, I'm a nut case now...j/k. I had to go see them once when my father passed, so that I could withdraw from the semester and the psychologist suggested that I come back. I looked at him and told him I had the Lord. God would bring me through, I'll be fine. Never thought about visiting them again, until now. Since my dad passed, my grades and focus have been off. I've done great exploits regarding my extra-circular stuff, but academic I could not focus to save my life. I'm decent now, but all last year...just a mess. If I didn't have to interact with you, I didn't. I never really grieved his death. Three days after the funeral I threw myself into extra-circular stuff and the next week I was waist deep into a scholars program. Funny thing is, I couldn't sit in like the first 4 or 5 rows of the church, I couldn't take it. 'til this day I can't grieve, it's not in me (those of you who read my truth, my journey posts...know what's up). However, I desperately need to grieve, but I don't think I know how. What's good in y'all life? I can't sleep?

4 Comments:

At 4:02 AM, Blogger TrinaBeingTrina said...

I BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE GRIEVING, BUT YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE YOUR GRIEF.

WHEN MY MOM PASSED MY SISTER WAS SO MESSED UP SHE COULD NOT PULL IT TOGETHER. SHE HAD BEEN LEFT BACK BEFORE,SO SHE WAS GOING TO SCHOOL AND TAKING NIGHT CLASSES 3 NIGHTS A WEEK SO SHE COULD GRADUATE ON TIME. ON TOP OF THAT SHE WAS ALSO WORKING PART-TIME. THEN AFTER MY MOM SHE SLOWLY STARTED TO FALL APART. SHE QUIT NIGHT SCHOOL, THEN SCHOOL ALL TOGETHER. SHE ALSO QUIT HER JOB AND WAS DOING NOTHING. SHE SAID MY MOM WAS THE REASON SHE WAS WORKING SO HARD BECAUSE SHE CONSTANTLY STAYED ON HER BACK. NOW THAT SHE WAS GONE MY SISTER HAD NO MOTIVATION. THEN AFTER A YEAR SHE WENT BACK TO SCHOOL GOT HER DIPLOMA AND IS NOW ABOUT TO ATTEND THE ART INSTITUTE OF PHIL.

IF YOU ARE WONDERING WHY I'M TELLING YOU ALL THIS IT'S JUST BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE WHEN IT COMES TO LOOSING A PARENT. IT THROWS YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD OFF BALANCE. IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU NEED TO SPEAK TO A PSYCHOLOGIST THERE ISN'T ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. THAT'S SOMETHING I WISH I HAD MADE OUR FAMILY DO

PS. SORRY FOR TAKING UP SO MUCH SPACE BUT THIS IS A SUBJECT THAT I CAN SPEAK UPON BECAUSE I'VE BEEN THERE!! :-(

 
At 12:43 AM, Blogger Liber8Lyph said...

We all fall down..but to get up takes a strong backbone and a heavy hand of reality to slap you in the face. The time of grief for your father will come. Liber8 yourself!

 
At 11:19 PM, Blogger LivingSingle said...

I feel so...uplifted after reading your post. Your list is awesome :)

As for grieving your father...I don't know what you're going through, nor will I try to pretend like I do. But it appears that you need an outlet to grieve. Like trina, I believe that you are grieving, but you're keeping it all in instead of releasing it. Question...do you keep a journal other than this blog? Maybe you could express your thoughts and feelings in a journal. That's just a thought :)

 
At 8:00 PM, Blogger Tilina said...

I think it's great that instead of complaining about things, you've listed the good things going on with you. So many of us, including myself, tend to only look at the bad things; instead of focusing on the good.

As far as your father: I think a lot of people, including myself tend to say I've got God so he'll take care of it. In many situations not just death. But in some cases we should use the resources (such as psychologist) God gives us to help us get through hardships. Much love and God Bless!

 

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