Wednesday, October 26, 2005

I"m so selfish

"Don't wait til midnight, when there is no Sunshine. You are a stranger until there is danger and that aint right"-Brent Jones ft. Coko (from SWV)

I've been wondering why my relationship with God has become stale to me (for ~2 years now). It went from being my passion and dwindled down to something I do because it's "right". The answer came to me this morning, I am full of myself. And maturing/growing in God is about being God oriented. I enjoy me so much, God has become the thing I focus on when I'm in trouble or need something. I deal with God so casually, but desire him to perform miracles. In spite of me, he graces me with things I definitely don't deserve. When he provides the things that I'm asking, I'm back on myself. My praise becomes less and less. My attention goes else where and the whole things plays through all over again. This merry-go-round must stop. I'm not going to make any faulty declarations in this post, but what I'm going to say is this. I need to be more sensitive towards the things of God and more willing to follow where he leads. I refuse to get all righteous and go into this thing head first. Denying myself this, doubling up on this or that spiritually, because once again I will make this all about me. There is nothing I can do that can make God love me more or less, but I MUST spend more time with him if I want to mature or grown. When was the last time you had a spiritual check up?

9 Comments:

At 6:00 AM, Blogger woodrow241 said...

So what does a renewal entail? What does God need from us?

 
At 11:38 AM, Blogger Sunnchine said...

I think that's something we all do. Is it right? Probably not....but you aren't the only one. We all need to do a spiritual check up from time to time.

 
At 2:57 AM, Blogger Liza Valentino said...

I'm doing one right now...and it's long overdue.

 
At 5:43 PM, Blogger Clay said...

i think religion and the american construct of "god" makes people feel very guilty for who you are. unless you are some inheritantly evil person, which it does not seem like you are, i dont see why you feel god graces you with things you don't "deserve."

i had my spiritual check when i got out of the traditional constructs of God when it comes to race and gender. it gave me so much spiritual freedom

 
At 7:06 PM, Blogger lady in satin said...

I think those feelings aren't a strangers to anyone. Everyone feels that way at some point, I think. I know I have. But I think its a daily thing for me. I think that we need to be aware of ourselves at all times. Its something that I try to work on everyday. And its a lifelong process. God knows your heart. I truly believe that. Although you may be caught up in your life, He knows what your intentions are and the condition of your heart, and I try to remember that as well whenever I fall short.

But its good to come to those spiritual awakenings when you realize that you're doing something wrong and why you do it. Now the only thing is finding ways to stop. That means changing behaviors and habits and that takes time. Thats why I said its a daily struggle. You're a beautiful person for recognizing this and wanting to do something about it. Good for you and I wish you the best on your spiritual journey!! =)

 
At 11:52 PM, Blogger Rose said...

Trust me...I am doing that now...I don't want to run to him only when I'm in trouble...I want to know him even in the good times...

 
At 1:21 PM, Blogger LivingSingle said...

I think that everyone goes through what you're going through right now at some point in their life.

 
At 1:25 AM, Blogger feels good b n FREE said...

God is awesome to me...
because of the unmerited favor, kindness, forgivess, and unconditional love He bestows upon each of us!!!

you r on the right track

 
At 8:45 AM, Blogger Icey said...

Oh my goodness, I could have written this!!! I am having my checkup now!!! Great post

 

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