Saturday, September 10, 2005

Outside

"Irreversibly Falling in between And it's hard To be understood As you are, and God knows That you're standing on your own"
-Mariah Carey "outside"

Being an outsider, that's the issue of the post. Plus, I'll give some updates. I had never heard this song by Mariah Carey (not really a fan), but someone was talking about how deep the song is. Of course, they played it, because they are in love with her. But the song is talking about being neither here or there. You are in between and it seems like you just don't fit. And accepting that fact and being cool with it.

I've been "the outsider" all my life. Even though for most of my life I was popular, I always felt like someone who was looking in. Despite the fact that I was in the middle of a lot the action. I'm cool with being an outsider, but I have days when I ask why can't I be like everyone else. Why do I have different standards, why can't I be one dimensional. I don't know why I have all these facets, it aggravates me from time to time. My friends think I'm mysterious for some reason. I tell them everything (just about) and sometimes I tell them too much, but they still feel like I this complex person. I'm not! The more honest I am, the more people misunderstand me. Everyone appreciates my blunt, yet, tactful approach. I think we have become so accustom to reading into what people are saying we read to deep. I have somethings I believe in and at times things conflict. In most cases, my belief system over rules my personal opinion; especially when it to my walk with God. I'm usually never extreme one way or another,which often times leave me on the outside. For example, I am a man, but I'm not this sports or video game fanatic. If it's on I have some leisure time I may watch or play, but for some guys that's all they talk about, so what do we have to discuss. On the other hand, I don't want to discuss your outfit either.

Every now and then I just get away from everyone and really don't talk to anyone, because I'm in a zone. During those times I just gathering myself, evaluating where I am, who I am, who is surrounding me, what they are bringing and taking. And I always come to the conclusion that most (90%) of these people do not fit me well. Most of them are extremist to me in one area or another. I can't find someone in the middle with me. I'm not saying that these people don't have different facets or that their opinions and actions are lacking diversity, they just are different from me in some way that is a major part of MY TRUTH. They are too much of this or not enough of that and you feel out of place. Now these people love me and I love them, but sometimes I really do not want to deal with them. However, a good percentage of these people have my best interest in mind, so I keep them around. I think many of them are extra because they are trying to relate to me. I hate that, be yourself. And I'm finding a lot of people aren't comfortable with just being them or they are not sure who they are. They would be offend if you shared that with them, because they are always claiming to be real or really in touch with who they are, but they have convinced no one, but themselves of that fact. And the ones who know who they are have tendency to be too much, I do not know, maybe I'm the problem.

But this is my bottom line (I've been rambling for too long). It's tough be the one who is neither here or there. You never fit well! I say well because I think no one will fit perfectly with anyone you have to work at it. And if you think it's perfect, give it time. Well, I asked this question to the person who is in love with the song, "Do you think it's best to keep things to yourself ?" There response was yes, somethings you keep to yourself, because people may not be able to handle all of you. Are you the outsider, how do you cope, etc. Any feedback is good.

Extras:
I'm actually keeping up in school, but I still miss a class or two. You would have thought I would have this class thing down by now.

I hate the job I got in the summer, but I can't find another one that I like, so I'm stuck for now. I can't get my old job back....BOO!

Our Black Student Union (BSU) put on a forum that has caused a riot. Essentially, the greeks trashed the community service organization (especially the greek letters ones), which has caused all type of division. I'm like oh father...this is BS I don't know what happen to the U. We will only progress if we stick together people.

I went to Savannah Friday night to celebrate with a brother. The fraternity continues to get up and praise, praise...themselves...lol. Nawl, they praise him too.

Someone cut our screen and stole my cousin's bike aint that some crap. Whomever did that, better hope we don't see them on it or that's their bleeps. He's not trippin' though, he is 16 going on 17 he is thinking about a car..lol.

Blind and unguided Into a world divided You're thrown Where you're never quite the same Although you try-try and try To tell yourself You really are But in your heart-uncertainty forever lies And you'll always be Somewhere on the outside -"Outside"

*Excuse the grammar...what the heck y'all know what's up by now. I don't edit-nuff said. peace

16 Comments:

At 12:35 AM, Blogger LivingSingle said...

Nice post :)

I agree with you. It's better if people just be themselves. If someone can't accept you for who you really are, then you just don't need their acceptance.

 
At 1:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 2:39 AM, Blogger mytruth said...

Does anyone know who to put the verifying thing on your blog comments area? If so, please let me know and e-mail that info. Thanks

 
At 11:43 AM, Blogger Deirdre said...

I love that song *huge Mariah Fan*

She diffently brought the truth right there:)

I have been feeling this way a lot lately with my church and all...it's hard when your the one that is standing on the outside...but I think it makes me a little unique at times:)

Glad to here you are doing well in school there student!

Ramble all you want!

KUTGW:)

 
At 8:58 PM, Blogger Essequibo said...

Damn, I feel that way all the time. I've never heard anyone (except my best boy that is) express that. But you got it! You have to appreiate those around you for who they are, even if you don't fit exactly...everyone is different and special, right, so you take each person, appreciate what each one brings...and there will come a time when things will fit. It just hasn't happened yet, but it will.

 
At 9:18 PM, Blogger Domite said...

to prevent spam yo have to go to your comment options on your settings. you'll see the word verification check box.

Good blog brotha I think of you as one of my younger brothers man everything you write about makes me remember years gone by... God bless.

Domite

 
At 11:12 PM, Blogger Brother `EDEN Douglas said...

Thanks for sharing this 'for real' commentary on life.., I read through your other posts, too.., deep, deep brother of 22.., so much of life ahead, and yet, let me just say, looking backwards to 22.., with a heart and head like this, you're gonna be something unique.., You're already something special.

Thanks for the HERO post.

BePEACE...

BD

 
At 8:18 AM, Blogger The Foxybrown Show said...

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At 10:36 AM, Blogger Clay said...

i do kinda like that mariah song -- except it is one of her "im so confused" tragic mulatto songs

 
At 2:09 PM, Blogger G. Cornelius Harris said...

Dig the post...I'll keep you posted

 
At 2:00 AM, Blogger Chele said...

You are going to run into people who don't know themselves, much less you. But there will come a time when you will suddenly discover that there's someone you feel a kindred spirit to.

*gagging @ Mariah*
I'm sorry. Gag reflex.

 
At 7:47 PM, Blogger Friar Tuck said...

I think a lot of us feel like an outsider. Thanks for being so open and authentic.

 
At 10:18 PM, Blogger Rose said...

Mariah is my favorite...she sings from pain and experience and mostly from the heart...just like you. You are always so open.

 
At 3:04 PM, Blogger brooklyn babe said...

Who said you gotta fit somewhere... there's a reason why on application the option exist called "other." That's you, that's me. Welcome Aboard. No apologies.
Enjoy your weekend babes!

 
At 3:17 PM, Anonymous Coley said...

Great post! I'm going to go find that song and listen to it myself!

 
At 6:57 AM, Blogger Frank León Roberts said...

preach, brother, preach!

 

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