Sunday, August 28, 2005

my truth, my journey (pt2)

Kissing Game
My best female friend and I kissed. Yep, I stole a kiss from her. I didn't find her attractive, but it was time for me to kiss someone, so I did. I slide it in by talking about something my older cousin did and said they did it like this. BAM! I kissed her. Do you know this girl waited until a lot of our friends were around to bring it back up. I got so mad, I snatched half of the zillions of beads she had in her head out. I got my behind beat
Lesson: Make sure the person you do anything with understand the terms of the interaction(s). Be prepared for whatever you do to come back up...think about that before you do it.

I betcha you want.....
This is a funny lesson and proves you can learn from anything. I was around 9 and in my neighborhood I had developed a reputation of never being scared. Basically, I was a fool. However, I was convinced I had to keep it real. Anytime you wanted me do something, make it seem like I was afraid of doing it. I have step to five dudes daring them to fight, cuss out everything from adults to bus drivers, but this dare I really regret. For some reason people use to jump off the second floor of our buildings and one day someone dared my behind to jump off. I was like nawl man, I'm not going to do that junk. I may hurt myself. Then, they were like what you scared? Nawl, I aint scared, I'm just not going to do it. Nawl, nigga you scared. Who? I aint scared. Well, a few mins. later my behind is trying to jump off the 2nd floor with flip flops on. Next thing you know I'm dangling from a stair case and one of my flip flops have fallen off. I'm yelling like a fool and I can't pull myself up because of how the stair case is design. People are coming out of their house trying to figure out what's wrong. No one really could help me, so I had to jump down. My feet were hurting for the rest of the day, but them dudes could never say I was too scared.
Lesson: Sometimes keeping it real is not the best thing for your being. If someone dares u to do something and they won't do it themselves first DON'T DO IT!

By myself
Okay, you either have a friend or you are the friend that never fights, but talks a lot of mess, but never does anything. Well, my homeboy from my childhood was the one in the crew. He had to cry and get really upset to fight someone and he was the pretty (really high yellow, hazel eyes, etc), so you know he was the easy target. He actually had a decent hand game, but he was scary. Well, our 8th grade year this dude and his friends decided to try him. They bullied him all the way home. I'm standing at the gate and I see the tears and I go off. I know you didn't let these niggas try u like that blah, blah. I change close looking to beat some bleep (can't mess up your good Every since that day, me, dude, and his whole crew had beef. My homeboy who got bullied became friends with dude. I ended up fighting one of the dudes ( I whipped his behind..he got one lick and that was because he stole me when people were pulling me off him) and we've been enemies since (aint that some mess). Haven't seen each other in awhile, but it's not worth anything now.
Lesson: Don't take on people's personal problems. A lot of times you care more than they do. You up worried, they are sleep. HECK NAWL!

Boys Don't Cry (flashback) mom was a stolid person. She brought me things to prove her love. Man, I had everything(clothes, every game, pool table, etc). She was tough-"I aint going to raise no punk". Those words sit in my memory to this day I was around 10. I was crying about something that she felt wasn't noteworthy. I remember running away from her thinking I'm not going to shed another tear (crying is for b****es). I learned crying was weak and boys/men are strong. Since then, I've learned how to turn my emotions on and off. Thus, I don't get attached easily and some ppl who want a lot of emotions out don't get them.
Lesson: Being all emotional is for women or the weak. This was a bad lesson and unfortunately every relationship I had and will have will face this challenge. I'm more liable to be attached and venerable with my friendships than relationships. I'm starting to balance out more and more.

When it all falls down
I transferred from one middle school to another. My mom took me out of my previous middle school in the middle of the year (BIG MISTAKE). She was tried of my behavior and grades. I was really trying to thug it out then. I was telling teachers to shut up, getting subpar grades, fighting (just a few she never knew-shhh. She encouraged one fight-so hood, I know). She couldn't take it anymore! She was tired of beating me and I was tired of getting beat. She use to whup my behind my aunt occasionally had to stop her (she whipps ***). When I started going to my new middle school I went from being pretty popular at my initial school to a ladies man (that never happen before). The guys hated me. I was always popular everywhere I went. If you didn't like me, that meant I was bulling you or something ( I remember starting a mini-racial fight in elementary school. I had black kids whipping the fool out of these white kids), but I was generally a good guy and every loved me. In a matter of a week and a half I was the mosted hated. The previous week I was a cool with the "popular dudes". What happen? Jealousy. I was new, the girls liked me, and the dudes turned against me. Spreaded rumors like crazy. People who didn't know me were bumping me, giving me attitude. Normally, I wouldn't have taken this bleep, but I was new and I didn't know anyone (outside of my cousin(a girl) who got transferred too). They tried to jump me several times, but it never happen (they wanted to see if I was a punk). I showed little weakness. my response was always-do what you gotta do). I ate alone, they even tried to gleek (a form of spitting) on me, couldn't do PE (physical ed), b/c they kept stealing my clothes, it was bad. I tried to fight one of them when I saw them by themselves, but he was a punk. He was nothing by himself. It got to the point that I learned how to carry blades and I started carrying them just in case something jumped off. I was going to fugged one of them up good. The next school year the zoning changed for schools and a few of my friends came to that school. People who hated me the previous year, were trying to be buddy-buddy.
Lesson: People are like elevators they can take you up and they can take you down (if you let them). This taught me how to stand on my own. This is one of the most influential periods in my identity of self. My circles of friends became smaller and being popular was no longer a priority.

Speak to my heart
On new years eve 1999 a friend of mine was killed. Essentially, he died for a packet of black and milds, $40, and someone's ego. My cousin and I thought to ourselves it's time for us to get our lives together. We may not have as much time as we think before we see God. So we made a pact that we would do it together. I went to church the next Sunday she misses that service. The preacher does the altar call and I feel it all in my chest, but I wait (this man had me in tears almost). My cousin and I had a pact. The next Sunday same thing, this time I go up there by myself. I didn't feel anything, but I knew I had just made a serious decision.
Lesson: Things aren't what they look like. His demise was my redemption. In addition, just because you don't feel or see something initially that doesn't mean nothing has occurred.

To be continued...............


At 2:02 PM, Blogger princessdominique said...

Oooo, naughty, naughty...never kiss a friend! That can open up a whole other can of worms my friend.

At 2:20 PM, Blogger Me said...

Well all these stories were interesting... all of them. Hanging with flip-flops was too funny. You know better. lol

At 4:51 PM, Blogger mytruth said...

I was little, I didn't know the rules of the game.

I had to keep it real

At 10:24 PM, Blogger Rose said...

One thing I always tell people is this: do not wave a flag for others, if you want to do it do it for yourself. There are many who complain about things, you speak up and many times it is not your issue, but you get the flack because no one who complained backed you. In your lesson, fight your own battle, same as wave your own flag....great blog

At 3:57 PM, Blogger brooklyn babe said...

God has a (humbling) way of calling his people... peace

At 3:37 AM, Blogger woodrow241 said...

keep doing yo thang man but quit jumpin off high shit. nice post

At 11:05 PM, Blogger Deirdre said...

Tell me was that your first kiss?

And princess is right never kiss a friend...Let them kiss you:)(wink)

Be careful young sir:)

At 2:16 PM, Anonymous Xquizzyt1 said...

I'm sorry MyTruth... I JUST got your comment on my blogspot site today... I know you probably left it eons ago, but I don't go to that site anymore...

Anyhoo... I left because I was losing posts and people were having trouble commenting and it was a headache, so I switched to Typepad and I like the features there a lot better. =)))

Thanks for stopping by... sorry it took so long for me to respond.

At 5:45 PM, Blogger prodigalsun said...

I had a similar experience to the kissing thing...

I grew up in the projects, and in the middle of the two apartment buildings was a sprinkler system for us kids in the summer.

I used to see all the big guys go grab girls and pull them into the sprinkler to get them wet. And the girls would all giggle and hee-hee & flirt... so I thought that was what guys were supposed to do. (I was 5 at the time)

So my dumb azz goes and grabs this girl my age Vanessa, and drag her into the water. But, being a few years shy of puberty, the whole flirtatious interaction was lost on her. And she punched me in my face when we got out of the water. lol

Being the 5 year old hoodrat and bad azz kid I was... I beat her azz... lol (Hey, the never hit a woman thing doesnt apply at 5...) I learned not to try to do everything the older guys did.

At 1:48 PM, Blogger G. Cornelius Harris said...

Dig that...Nice post...I'll keep you posted


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