Tuesday, July 26, 2005

It's such a blessing

" I got to get myself together, cuz I got some place to go and I'm praying when I get there, I see everyone I know...I wanna go to Heaven"-Mary Mary ~"Heaven"(NEW ALBUM IN STORES-I only heard 3 songs all are good)

Church was awesome on Sunday! I/we serve a MIGHTY God! Everything was great from the beginning to end. The Young Adult Praise Team sung (I'm taking a break, but I shall return). No new songs, they just inverted every song 3 to 4 times...y'all better sing! The sermon was good, but the play that followed the sermon is what did it for me. It was so powerful and I usually don't care for the plays they perform. The play was about our many encounters with death (realized or not) and God's mercy covering us. However, sooner or later we will have to meet God. The question that was presented during the sermon and play was "will u be ready"? The altar call was crazy! About 30 people came to Christ, it was such an anointing in there. Everyone was broken...I was actually crying. I couldn't believe it...I lost myself and that had not happen in months. It's times like those that makes all the self-sacrificing worth it. This is my truth, my journey.

"Thank You Lord"~Mary Mary

What do u think of new layout?

Man, I have been working on this committee for my national office and it is something else.

I have shaved my hair so low, it's one step away from beginning bald. Next time it's going to be bald...trying to new things. I wore pink for the first time on Sunday.

My birthday is coming up! I need cash ppl ( I haven't seen a check, yet). I'm getting an MP3 player-5Gigs...I'll be jammin. So many ppl had birthdays last week.

Thanks to all of those who read and left comments on my last entry (that was a serious one...HIV/AIDS is so serious).

Work is what it is. (Yells in aggrevation, but keeps positive attitude)

Constantine is a good movie...I didn't like the ending...what about you?

I may not blog until next week. Mom has minor surgery plus my b-day

Friday, July 22, 2005

Beat it up, skeet it up, raw dog????

"And you went raw dog when you beat it, that's when she is going to tell you to beat it."-Kayne West

"Emotions"~Destiny Child ( I have a new found respect for them after the BET Awards)

After reading a blog of a respectable blogger, I had to make this post. I have been thinking about posting about HIV/AIDS for sometime. I'm always shocked at how people respond to this issue. They get scared and absolutely refuse to get tested. I'm baffled at the thought of not getting tested because of your sexual history. Is that not more of a reason to get tested? The thought of "I rather not know" is all to real for me.

I have a friend (lets call him Scary) he has had two scares with the deadly disease HIV/AIDS. Even though he is older than me, I treat him as my little brother. I was the first person he told of his bisexuality who wasn't bisexual. I was always there to give advice, lean on, whatever was necessary. I even saved his life (literally), so needless to say, we were close. Well, outside of our arguments about his antics and risky choices/behavior (Okay, back to the story). The first scare was the summer before his departure for college. He wanted to get tested because he had unprotected sex several times with a couple of people (3-4). I initiated the conversation of him getting tested. I was seriously concerned about his well-being and I was over the shock of his sexuality (I was a holyroller at the time-don't stone me. He also broke the stereotype, which I secretly appreciate. I knew that stereotype was a lie anyway, but I was still shocked b/c it was him). And he uttered the words "I'm scared". "WHAT?!" "Why are you scared?!" You were bad enough to have unprotected sex, but you aren't bad enough to take a test? I had to pull off b/c I realize I was being a little insensitive to his harsh reality, but I still didn't understand his mentality. The thing that really freaked me out was "condoms were there in my reach and I didn't use them" (I could have reached over and hit him with a dumb stick). After many conversations and a lot of persuasion he got tested. Results, negative per his words. He was happy and relieved.

~Dwele "Kick out of you"

A couple of years (2-3) later it came up again. And he shares with me some of his risky behaviors. At this point, I'm like WHAT IN THE HECK have you been doing? You went off to college and lost your mind. I too was in college at this time, but the things he was involved in were rumors to me. I was very upset with him. However, I tried to hide it as much as possible and I turned into the comforter. I went back to my stance on you have to get tested. His response "my friend got tested and the results were negative." Again, I could have jumped through the phone and knock the "bajesus" out of him. "He can't be serious".... I let him know that meant nothing. Get your own! Do you know this fool said "I don't think I would want to know." WHAT?! Again, after a lot persuasion he gets it. This time he was a little more resisted and I told him next time you come home we take the test together. Well, that didn't work "your not sexually active" it doesn't matter to you. "Good point-maybe you need to follow my lead on this one." Back to story, the results- negative per his words. He exhales...he slips again. Now he is with someone who I find to be very strange. I'm like this person is very sickly to be so young. Sidenote: I think he (Scary) has a kid. A mutual friend who he confines his really outrageous stuff to mentioned a child, but he has never admitted this to me(back to story). So of course, me being me- I ask what's up with this person? "If the person has it, he know he has it b/c of unprotected sex." I really could have blowin' his brains out. Are we really discussing unprotected sex again? We talked about this the last two times. I have been trying to get him tested for a little over a year now and he has yet to do it. " I don't have enough time"(*bam heads on the wall). Sidenote: he still finds time to have sex. People will bring the test to you and they will not use a needle. Still no time! WHAT?! You have lies! He promises to get it done in Aug.

Please ppl there is no excuse for anyone not to know their current status. Ppl will come to your house, they willn't use a needle, they willn't take your name or any personal information. There is NO EXCUSE!!!!! I have a few friends who work in health departments and they have stories of 14 year olds coming in and finding out they are HIV+ and they don't know what it is. Is that not sad?! And some ppl refuse to get further information about the disease they have. WHAT?! Before you engage in ANY sexual act you need to see some paper and I'm not talking about cash. I'm talking about a paper that list ALL SEXUAL TRANSMITTED DISEASES and a negative report from your partner. That is your responsibility. I'm not advocating sex, but I am saying if you are going to have sex know whom you are dealing with. I really think sex is overrated ....Funny how I can say that, huh?

  • Condoms don't prevent disease such as herpes (u would be surprise at many sexual active adults don't know that). Condoms are for bodily fluids ppl, that's IT!
  • The only way to be 100% of your sexual health is no sexual intercourse (no oral either) don't laugh I'm serious. There are safe ways to go about oral sex (dental dams) too (again not 100%)
  • HIV/AIDS test that come back negative doesn't mean the person is not infected. Sometimes it takes time to show up.
  • Plain in simple wrap it up. No glove, no love. No matter how big it is or how wet it maybe.
  • For more info. http://www.aidsinfo.nih.gov/ (I'm not going to list stats, I'm sure you all have seen them.
  • Also, take an active roll in getting people informed about this disease and other sexual diseases. I made it my personal business to make people aware of this and other sexual transmitted diseases through organizations I'm involved. Matter of fact, the undergrads had a forum tonight (well, last night technically)
  • I added a counter on Tuesday...that's impressive for me HTML is not my thing at all.

In closing....

"Aint no lovin' good enough for me to get burned while I'm up in it"- Snoooppp Dog

*As always give me some feedback and no proofing*- I need to do better, but I want. Blogging is enough work on it's own.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Tell me what do you when......

your heart is no longer someplace/where? If you no longer have the feelings you once had towards someone or something?*playing Tamia "Stranger in my house"

"Who are you?"
Everything about you appears to be the same, but it's like I don't know who you are. I no longer feel the passion I once felt. Even the most exciting times can't compare to the times in the past. The intimacy is lacking. Even when I try to reveal the very essence of who I am, it's not the same. Clearly, something has changed. Communicating with you has become difficult. More like dull (some type of rhetoric)...sometimes I avoid it all together. Spending time with you sometimes seems more like a task. Things aren't the SAME! My feelings have changed. Yeah, you disappointed me a few times, but that can't be it or is it?

"The stranger is me"
I've discovered that it's not you who has changed. It's me. I want more. I need more and I don't want to put the effort into getting it out of you. I don't want to try to ignite the flame that once burned for you. In all honest, I've tried and the results have been mediocre with a few a burst of flames. The truth is, I don't want to go, but I don't want to stay-darn, can I get it together.

"When you love someone....you just don't treat them bad"
So now, I'm trying to figure out do I stay or do I go? I just want to explore, try different things-darn, I'm selfish. Always thinking the grass is greener on the other side. Darn, do I lose what I have trying to get what I don't need. It's obvious my heart is not here like it once was. What do I do???????

Females from my past are just popping up...what's going on?

First day out of training and I get a gift. I'm the only new hire who got one. I'm just thorough

BruthaFree Your thoughts have been similar to some of my recent thoughts. I'm like he is killing my post...I'm not going to have anything to post...lol

*playing Kid and Play "Oh la oh la eh"

Has anyone else experience this? What did you do? As always give me your feedback.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

playing "your word"-Tonex

I don't know if you all are familiar with this show, but it is funny. The show premise is the opposite or same (depending who you are attracted to) sex gets a chance to raid your room. You don't get a chance to clean up or hide anything. What would be the most embrassing thing(s) they would find? What will your room reveal about you? Will the person get a ideal of your personality?

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Early this morning....

*A different world playing in the background*

I woke up this morning to some noise in my apartment, and I'm like OH GOD! These people are trying to kick me out! Before you think I'm crazy, these people sent me an e-mail last night saying your account is being sent to an attorney, you can no longer pay a late fee. I'm like WHAT?! I write them back and I didn't get a response. So I check my account for the second time to make sure I have my Is dotted and my Ts crossed because I'm ready to get them str8. Clearly, 832.50 was taken out of my account. I'm thinking to myself I'm going to have to tap into the martial arts that Cederic the entertainer taught me. It's called niggaplease! So while I'm stretching and get ready to bring out my best martial arts move. A scripture comes to mind. "They know us by the love we have for one another", so that calm me down. I was like I hear you God. When I get there, they clarify somethings for me and come to find out they owe me $1. I want my dollar back too, times are hard.

Next issue
I got towed yesterday. "I can't believe this, I got towed" (I start laughing). It wasn't funny once the $70 fee sat in my mind. I'm getting training for my new job and I get towed. What?! Trying to make money and I loose money....LIES! I had to go back to them this morning to get my door fixed, they broke my handle on the inside. I get there and the guy says "we couldn't have done that". I was like "I didn't do it and it was fine before you towed me". The guy was like "this doesn't make sense, we didn't do this". "There was no reason for us to touch it at all". "Well, just opening the door couldn't have chipped the door handle, so you guys broke it". We go back in forth and it doesn't make sense for either of us to have broken it, so he is like I'll look for a piece to replace it to be "nice". WHAT THE BLEEP! I was calm and I didn't trip. It's not worth going through all of the trouble, the darn handle only cost like $10-$15. Way to start the morning huh? All this before 11am.

The training was blah. They tried to pump it up, but I was like you can't really get all that excited about going over rules and regulation. I came an hour early, b/c my bruh told me the wrong information. that's enough for now. I'm ready to sleep now...y'all know I don't get up this early. I know I willn't be able to go back to sleep...DARN IT, it's worth a try.

Still give me your feedback on how to make this blog better. Any recommendation and/or suggestion would be great.

Doesn't most improved mean u sucked before?
Star looks weird with that big face and skinny frame

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Be still and know

Now playing Vivian Green-"Gotta leave, Gotta go"

It's a terrible thing when you don't understand season. There is a season for mourning, sadness, happiness, joy, etc, but when we don't understand the changing of seasons we become frustration, confused even. That's where I am kinda of. I'm slowly understanding that this is a season of silence and maturity. However, this season is hard to digest. The uncertainty is a killer. People like myself think that silence is great when it's your choice , but when you have silence against your own will it's tough. I'm finding it hard to understand where I am in life. It's like I'm pregnant with possibilities, ideals, aspirations, dreams. But, I have no ideal on how to obtain or if I'm able to accomplish these ideals, aspirations, dreams, and possibilities. It's like you know there is something great for you to accomplish,but you don't see your current condition putting you on the path of accomplishing these goals. There is this inner silence that is aggravating you to death, but it's also pushing you to figure out what your ultimate purpose is.

Now playing Vivian Green "mad"

In these times when silence seems piercing and aggravating be still and know. Know that you are great and you will accomplish every dream you have. Most of all, understand your season. Take this time to gain understanding. Take this time to cultivate yourself. AND FOR THE SAKE OF GOD! DON'T FALL FOR THE SUBSTITUTES! Substitutes can rage from anything from quick fixes to appeasing bad habits. When we are frustrated we tend to make unwise decisions. This whole section was me coaching myself, alright time to put the game face back on.

Now playing Vivian Green "Selfish"

Saturday, July 02, 2005


There is nothing going on, so I'm not going to make a blog that would be disappointing. My blogs haven't been that good lately. Mostly because nothing is going on. Well, it has been rather HOT around here and I'm NOT talking about the weather.