Wednesday, June 29, 2005

BET AWARDS

The Stars, The Stars....

First, Alicia Keys...WOW! She has definitely been eating some cornbread or something is in the water. Did anyone see Alicia's hips, thighs, butt....I'm like where did this come from? Her skin was together, this time. I felt like she upstaged halle on the pre-show. I'm feeling Alicia Keys now and she doesn't know my name. Nice attempt, right? hahaha

The Fugees open the show...that was a surprise. I wasn't ready. Lauryn Hill is my girl...I was like oh crap! This is my second time hearing her and both times her voice has been raspy. What's that about? Her voice was decent, but I was just excited to see her (give her a break ppl...she said they got a little carried away at rehersal). However, I think they gave a great performance. It was clear they weren't flowing as much as they should have been, but they did a good job. What happen to Lauryn's solo performance? They never showed it.

Mariah....What was going on? She needs to rest her voice or something. Why was the coward so cold to her? I was like dang! They didn't even stand for her...I know it wasn't a good performance, but still.

Destiny's Child.....The girls did their thing and were one of the few who actually sung. Kelly is secretly my favorite and she represented well. I was not ready for the to bend over in the guys' face and put their leg over their shoulders. I was like oh goodness...these girls are really getting grown. So much for Michelle next gospel alubm...that was a joke. Terrance is going to have to explain to his wife when he gets home. I mean Beyonce had him in a trance. And Jay will be after his behind. Nelly played it cool. Why did Michelle choose Magic. I'm like, do you know what you are doing? aahhmm...think again. Michelle grew a butt over night too. Maybe there is something in the water, fo'real.

T.I. homeboy kept it pimpin' on the pre-show (suite was bad). Performance with Sheila E., it's Sheila what can you say.

John Legend and Stevie...one of the best performances of the night. If not the best. I never knew he stole some chords from Stevie on "Ordinary People" per his words folks..don't ask me. Is it just me or does Stevie mumble on the verses of his new song...I'm like what is he saying? Then the next thing you know....SHAME ON YOU. Okay?

Nothing else is sticking out in my head right now. I was happy to see Mary. I'm happy she has extended her range, but I don't like her up there. I love the old Mary. Ciara and Bow Wow? Is this fo'real? Why were half of the winners missing. I mean people come on..what is your PR rep doing for you? Did some people know they were going be on tv...they looked like buckwheat? Some stylists need to be FIRED! I'm mean what is going on? This is getting a little too long, so I'm going to end it here.

edited:Gladys Knight sung, do you hear me...she did her thing. I don't know what was going on with Toni Braxton, however, faith wasn't confused at all. She did her thing.

Friends Pt 2

This story will be shorten...b/c I must talk about BET AWARDS!

And I immediately went for the disrespectful moves. Finger in Face and loud talking....
Me:Why is my name in your mouth? Going around telling lies, telling other brothers that we were talking about them.
Drama: What are you talking about? Oh boy are you must be talking about Money, pretty, and shrek. Your name never came out my mouth...I never said your name.
Me: When you said the organization name you said my name and everyone else who came in at that time.
Darma: I never said your name
skip, skip TO THE CLIMAX........
Drama: You aren't going to yell at me in my house like I'm some little kid.
Me: What are you going to do Shut me up? (With a look that says bust a move and I promise I'll make you regret it.)
Drama: No, but this is my house
Me: I don't care if this is your house. I'm going to talk how I want to talk and say what I want to say. When I get ready, all up in here. You brought this on yourself.
Drama: I said this, that, and the other
Me: That's not how it was perceived by me, but we will see. I'm going to call Money and we will see.
Drama: Call him
Me: I go back to my car and get my cellphone called Money. He is like nawl, nawl...don't trip he was just joking blah, blah, blah. We know each other better than that...all the time we spent together...it's just that I graduated..blah (I knew he is lying b/c his original reaction wasn't a cool one).
*At this point I didn't have a leg to stand on and drama went to his room when I went to go get the phone and he never came back out. You may ask why the disrespect, dang after all he is your "brother". Simply put he needs his bleep whipped. In all honest, I was not mad at him for starting the mess with Money. Money and I could have squashed that easy. We came in together, so that was nothing. I was more mad at him causing so much division in the chapter and his slyness. However, he is my brother so I couldn't open up a can like he was a stranger, so I was being disrespectful, because I wanted him to get mad enough to want to fight me. Then, I wouldn't have felt bad for fighting him. I still haven't talked to him since Saturday and I'm not apologizing to h im either. You can't apologize to people like him and I'm not sorry. However, he did find it fitting to bring up the incident in the chapter meeting aint that something? Homie goes on to say that I almost got got for running up in his place like that....WHAT?! However, a brother was like please. You all had space and opportunity last night you didn't do anything and why are you bring this up now...that's between you and him. He asked you last night if you wanted to go there and you didn't. Go tell him that, don't try to impress us.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Friends how many of us have them......

I had to pull out a can of "I'm walk the dog on your punk bleep"


Y'all I haven't been this crunk in years. I'm a college student we are about the books and fun. So why am I grabbing cans of whip bleep? NIGGAS TRIFLIN THAT'S WHY! This particular person has been causing problem amongest the brethern...keeps up all type of foolishness. I'm no longer the President and I'm trying to step back, so the organziation willn't be dependent on me. I have been watching this one particular individual throwing rocks, planting seeds and hiding his hand. I'm like WOW...this nigga is showing out, thinking that no one is peeping game. Nigga, I got your penny and some change. I found out he has all type of confusion going on. Last night after a social with us and some home girls of ours. Some bruhs stay behind and we just start talking and one of them slipped and brought up something that the nigga was trying to pull. That open up a can...we talked until 4:30am.

This morning I woke up on some "I'll be your bleep" stuff. I was just hot, ready to knock dude out. All the work I've put into this organization and he is tearing it down. He of course, doesn't see anything wrong with what he is doing...he thinks it's cool, but he is causing division. The first 3 hours that I'm awake, I'm ready to whip some behind. I chill out. Another brother finds out what's goin on and he is like this "is so wrong...what's wrong with him?" "Why is he trying to embrass this person and cause division." I'm like "I don't know, but he is getting on my nerves". "He has been carrying on since last semester about various things and this one is a personal issue, what does it have to do with him? " He is really showing his behind on this one. Then, the bruh that's on the phone tells me he went to hang out with some other brothers and he has start mess of their. "WHAT?!" This has got to be a joke. I get very upset when ppl try to attack someon who they perceive to be weaker than them. And for the sake of God don't lie on me or put my name in anything I work hard at keeping intergrity and character. He messed up when he goes around telling another people I'm talking about them, WHAT?!

I started talking faster than I already do and I gave him my true feelings about this person and how they are acting. "This person has been tap dancing on a behind whippin' for sometime and he is going to fool around and get it". I call another brother he tells me about the same incident and that was just it for me. I turn my car around and "I'm like I'm going to his house and I'm going to get some straightin' now". "He better not come out his mouth wrong or he will get whipped on the spot". Said brother is like, let me come. No, I don't want an audience and that would make it worse. Both of us will be more crunker than we usually would be. "Well, call me after it's over let me know what's up." I drive their take my cellphone off, take off the timbs, and pop the trunk. I put on my Nikes and I knock on the door this nigga opens the door surprised.

This is kinda long...I finish it later. I'm not trying to piss y'all of, but it's almost 5am and I started this at 11, but I was interupted. My mom friend who is 50+ was jumped by two women, because she offended them by being too prissy and cute. WHAT?!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Is it expedient

All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient.....

****Tevin Campbell playing "All ways in my heart"

After these words were spoken to me I began to think. How much of my everyday activities are expedient? And I realize a lot of stuff needs to be eliminated. somethings profit me nothing, so why am I investing in it. It's time for me to be the best me I can be. How long have we all been saying that line? But seriously, it's time. I'm about to graduate from college at the end of this year, I need to maximize every opportunities and drop a lot of non-profitable things, people, etc. So I need to evaluate what I'm entertaining or who I am entertaining. I challenge all of you all to do the same. Maybe we will attract the things were are soliciting: companions, friends, jobs, etc. Of course, all things in moderation.

*Is Tom Cruise coming across crazy to anyone else?
*Donnie McClurkin album is decent/good.
* I got the calendar...and the photo is one that I didn't have a copy of and it's the bomb! I'm pleased

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

update

Nothing too much is going on. I applied for a job, which I will get. My brother is interviewing me on Friday (brotherhood can be a blessing). I'll probably start on Tuesday. I don't want the job....I really don't want it! However, me walking around looking like who shot john, is not working. I can't have that going on. I have been looking tow back (yes, tow). Plus, I need to get some threads. I just need the cash plan and simple. I really freaked up my hearing. I could hear like 50% out of my right ear and 90% out of my left ear. DON'T USE Q-TIPS PPL...THEY WILL MESS U UP!!! I knew this, but not to this extent. After treating myself twice with peroxide...I think I'm about 90% in both ears thank goodness (didn't do left ear the second time-I should have).

I wasn't such a good boy last week. I have not been to church for the pass two Sundays. I was just a mess, but that chapter is close for now. Lets not write in the book again, but I'm unsure if I've concluded the chapter. Still making up my mind. There is an old saying "curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back." This not referring to what I've blogged about in the pass.

I read The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison. She is a great writer. That was the first book I've read of hers. The book is decent/good......I think I would appreciate more if I was a female. I'm almost finished with As a Man Thinketh pretty good, short book....looks more like a pamphlet, it's so small and only fifty something pages. It's a good book. Basically, it addresses how our thinking creates not only our habits, but our circumstances. Our mind actually creates! The book feels like you pretty much control everything involving your being (mind, body, and soul). I don't think I'm doing the book justice, it's a great book. So next time you feel "off"...check your thoughts. We control the circumstances, that's what the books promotes. I agree with the book, but I think somethings we don't control. There is a spiritual world that is ignored by this book.

*I'm thinking about cutting all of my hair off and being bald, what do you all think? You all have seen the picture...give me feedback.

Monday, June 20, 2005

family

Yesterday when I was in one of my funks...I'll talk to you later moods. I wasn't there for my mom not realizing this wasn't one of those "What are you doing calls" this was a call for "Vincson, I need you things have hit the fan" and this time in the worst way. And I didn't even answer the phone finding out the news today...had me at a lost for words. I was shocked and amazed at the words that were coming out of her mouth. I"m still pausing now from time to time as I'm typing. After hangin' up it all hit me...this could change all of our lives forever. memories can quick and sound of confusion and anxiety came out of my mouth and tears felled out of my eyes. All this happen to quickly for me to member that I was a man and we don't cry, so in the words of Jay-Z "I gotta make this blog cry". I qickly pulled myself together after a min. of uncertain..no time for tears no it's time to take action. The sad thing is.....I don't even feel the need to pray it's seems fruitless. It can't believe I just said that...

*I'm packing my stuff and I got to figure out what is going on

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Untitled

I'm sitting here streaming in and out of consciousness. My life floats away as I contemplate the whys, could it have been, should I, could I. I want to touch it, grasp it even, but I can't or have I decided that this is to grand for me. Maybe I should just embrace it. These thoughts are so real they leave a scent and I inhale all of the possibilities and questions.

*********************************************************************
We always want the things we can't have. What if you have something you don't want? Do you just throw it away? Let it go? Nope, instead you hold it. Even when it proves to you it's bad for you repeatedly. You still hold it. Unfortunately, it's what you know, so you embrace it. It only becomes an after thought that you actually could break it or throw it away. Escaping only becomes a fantasy. You instead console the blues and walk with this luggage on your back, after all it's your burden, right?

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

I'm BBBAAACCCKKK

A brother has been gone for a min. I know this is unacceptable! Shame on me. But I'm back that's all that counts, right?

Now playing: faith evans~Again

Where do I start? I could give you an update on what happen the weekend before last, but that's old now. This weekend was eventful and a nigga was snatched. Yeah, I was kidnapped. I talked about groupies, but I didn't know it would lead to me being kidnapped. My mom almost calls the police on me, and a good friend of mine has been non-verbally put in the "nigga please list".

Kidnapping
Nobody could have told me that I would have been kidnapped. I mean who would mess with me? That is exactly why I was snatched, they knew I wouldn't expect it. A few girls that I know call me up and asked about parking for my complex , they were going to stop by briefly to say hello to some of the brothers, but they were there to see their sister who stayed two building over. I grab my cell-phone and go down to show them the parking spaces they were referring to. I show them the parking spaces and when we turn the corner to take me back to my place. I see the passenger's car in front of my complex. At that moment, I knew something was up. I called one of the brothers and I'm like they have me man, come get me, they trying to pull something. They hit the gas and try to grab my cellphone. They finally get it, and my bruhs just miss them. So here I am jumping up and down in the backseat like someone who has just been punkin' by Ashton. I'm like NOOOO, THIS CAN'T BE TRUE, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS, DDDAAAARRRRNNNNN! They are laughing their heads off. So I'm like I got something for them. I try to unluck my door and jump out after flipping the locks both ways I realize the child lock is on..DARN IT! The driver has everyones windows and doors under her control. They take me to another sister's house. What they didn't know was that I'm from the projects and I use to run track. I pulled a jack move on those fools and got away (I had to come out of my shirt and flip flops). I was bucking on them, they couldn't catch me. I ran to one of my bruh's house, but I was unsure if it was his apartment number, so I don't knock ( I had on a wife beater and pj pants at this point). So I notice that they are coming from everywhere with their cars and I'm like darn...this is something straight out of the fugtive. Anyway, I siked a couple of cars out and tried to get to another aparement complex (my bruh was on call there), which is like 3 blocks away...I start getting tried about a block and a half into it (the complex is big as all get out by itself). I see the grand am coming. One person gets out and the other stays with the car. I decided to give up, they would have caught me b/c of the cars sooner or later. I get in the car and they take me to the sister's apartment and they are selling out something wicked. They try to take pictures and I'm like y'all not going to try me like a punk. I trun into warren sapp and start knocking them down (trying to get to the door..that doesn't happen). They tie me up...around my ankles, knees, and they put my hands behind my back. So a brother is stuck. They tried to put their symbol on me and all...I'm like heck nawl, so the little manuevering that I can do, I was doing it, I willn't be clowed. I couldn't be release until their demands were met. They wanted tampoons with wings, raw meat (don't ask), and nail polish with their organization colors. Of course, we don't take this lying down. We found the only sister they forgot to tell about the kidnapping and we kidnapped her, so we had to make an even exchange. We couldn't let it go down like that. We had a super soaker (remember those), not one of the regular ones, but the one with three squitters and a water container that held about 2 liters of water. Payback has not begun. We all end up chillin' at my place afterwords and watched white noise.

Do I need to call the police
My mom had been trying to get in contact with me all day Friday to help my cousin out with an application. He had the job, but needed to do the appliaction again, I checked the wrong thing when I filled it out the first time. I took him that him the previous day (thursday) for the interview, so I'm not trying to do that application over, because it takes about an hour. I don't think so! So I don't answer all day, so Saturday morning she is calling, I'm not answering. A couple of hours later I hear someone at my door...and I have a rule. If you don't tell me your coming you stay outside. That's your fault. So I stay asleep, then my phones ring again, this time, I answer. Boy what is wrong with you...I almost call the police. Where have you been, why you not answering your phone, I came her to bless you (cuss you out), but I'm not going to. So, my mother thought something serious had happen and she was about to call 5-0. I was like man.

*this post is getting long, so I not going to mention the friend thing, it's not that serious. We are alright...he is what he is.

*"There is always some frivolity in excellent minds; they have wings to rise, but also stray."-Joseph Joubert

Monday, June 06, 2005

Just for the funny of it...

Laughter is good for the soul...I'm promise this nothing bad, but it has some audio, so if you're at work turn you volume down a bit. Check out this link, hopefully it will make you laugh a little bit. http://www.ryanavery.com/musick/game.htm

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Tonight

Tonight, I danced like nobody was watching. Sung like nobody was listening (kinda of), and let go. It was the most fun I've had in years (or at least for some time). I'll give you up dates sometime before Monday. *"Dance with my father". My dad passed away a year ago today (June 4th 3:30am)-I basically watched him die. God saw fit to give me a chance to get to Tampa, to say all of my goodbyes. The story is so much more than that.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Twenties=purgatory

Your twenties are a mess! Plain and simple. These years are like no other. Uncertainties are innumerable, you are discovering a new person-it seems, you are trying to set up the rest of your life, you feel the pressure to achieve (everyone's watching-seeing if their prophecies will be fulfilled rather good or bad)...it's just too much.

*Mood in music-Ol' skool Mary J. blige (My life-album, your all I need to get by, etc.)

Success (career wise) is not as easy as you pictured and if you do achieve said success, guess what? Your working your butt off to keep it and half of the time it's not what you want. We can't win for losing! After discovering this you stay at the job, because hey, what options do you have. Your the lucky one you have obtain the "dream". Those who didn't get their "dream" job they are stuck with some crap they really don't like and most likely they're questioning the time they spent in college. What the bumba?! Now your back at the drawing board trying to figure out how to make your dream come true. To make it personal: I did what I could to make sure my stuff was on point, and you mean to tell me I can't get a non-prestigious internship (not referring to the "high school jobs" I applied to, and I haven't gotten a callback for that) . I mean what is going on? People I have worked with $50, 000 budget and had a $13,000 budget that was solely mine and you mean to tell me I can't get an internship (and I have charisma, so what is it?). Which put my post-grad. stuff in jeopardy-LAWD!!

Twenties is the time when you are really discovering you. Your mind is as open as its ever been. Your deciphering between what's you and what has been expected and/or been taught to you. Your beliefs begin to shine through. Your finally over the excitement of being grown and your realize what it really means. And the crap aint all the exciting...lol. Because everyone is use to you to at least having it half way together you have to keep face. Godforbid if you are one of those over-achievers/person who is on point all the time. You really have to keep your stuff together. You are the paradigm-you can't be slippin'. So now, what do you do with this new being that is you. Surely, some of your personal beliefs don't agree with every belief you were taught. And what about all this new stuff? To make it personal: As you all can gather from reading, my faith and I are in a tiff, sometimes a battle. It's not so much the lifestyle (living by commandments), which can be a test from time to time, but my temperance is pretty high and after awhile it's becomes habit. I mean 21 (almost 22) still a virgin-without these "me" time sessions. I've had women and men (make no assumptions folks) try to get to know me biblically and to no avail. My issues are deeper like what if this whole thing is a method of social control. I mean, wouldn't that be a brilliant idea. Live for this person who sacrifice his life for you and if are too selfish to do so-you're going to hell. Give people these set of rules to live by and the ultimate punishment is hell, that is if you don't follow. So sacrifice your life to serve others, which in turn makes you a better person (which it does in some cases), Idunno. It's like you can't really question or disprove anything because it's all about faith (that was in a blog about earlier-good read). Bottom line-Is faith or all this dying to ones self-worth it? Can a nigga..aahheemm a brother just do whatever he is feeling. There are other things..not enough time.

Money: simply put-your behind is broke. Even if your making some money you have loans, bills, and awhole bunch of crap you have acquired over time. If your in your mid/late twenties you may have a little something. If your in grad-school, I don't even need to go there-you already know.

Dating: Why is everyone so darn concern! I already blogged about this, so enough said. Where are there so many women asking the question where are the men who are of substances, handsome, and not about those games. Then you have the men who are saying the same thing about women . Can we get all these niggas in the same room, so they can meet and shut up! *smile if your one We may have to do a pre-screening though, because some ppl are a little confused-they think they meet the criteria, but they aren't even close. We don't want the people who we bring together saying I told you there is no one of substance.

*Your future some many opportunities. It's like "wide open spaces" (Dixie Chicks-what y'all know about that? I know, I just lost 2 hood points, right there) you want to conquer the world, but you have to focus and figure things out-afterall, your grown! And everyone is asking you what are you doing next...ASK ME THAT DUMB QUESTION AGAIN, I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE THROAT. MATTER OF FACT, ASK ME ANY DUMB QUESTION including, but not limited to: dating, job(s), money, school, my future. Just shut up and pray or something, but don't say nuthin' about the aforementioned issues. I think I'm slightly depress, nothing to be worried about. I'm just in a strange place (valley)...when your like...where am I going, what am I suppose to be doing, how am I suppose to go there, am I prepared for what's next? AARRGHH.....I rest in faith...well, I try. Take no thought for tomorrow, for tomorrow taketh care of it's self. There's enough trouble in today. OKay, enough is enough.

Plugs:
Common-Be. Is the truth
Crash-the movie, Must see saw it like a month ago...awesome, I could blog about that movie.
Micah Stampley (gospel artist)-appears to have a strong album-don't quote me.
Vashawn Mitchell (gospel artist)-great album

Questions:
Is everyone trying to bite off Justin Timberlake ?(namely Omarion, Marques Houston-listen to a few cuts off new album, and Usher-yeah I said it)

What do you do when you feel like a friend or two is take a chapter or two from the chronicles of you and trying to put it in their book? Like they take some of your characteristics and try to make them their own, and everyone buys it. I'm like dang dude you are a cheap imitation of me. And your looking at everyone like y'all do not see this? I mean I'm not mad, but more like, huh? There still them, but you are mixed up in there too. I'm not talking about hangin' around someone and picking up on little things.

Songs for this period of life: "I know who hold tomorrow"~ Kelly Price; "Be Encourage"~unknow, "Not the time nor the place"~Marvin Sapp, Mary J. Blige~My Life-the album (there are times when you just want to be pissed..lol.), and I dare not mention some country song I mention earlier.

Thursday, June 02, 2005


Finally a picture.....be nice bloggers. It took me a minute to be-able to put this up. Feel free to leave comments

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Show me the money

Listening to Lauryn Hill "Doo-Woop (live)" She back!!!! She even does a little mix over Amerie ~"one thing"

First things first, I need a suga momma. I know this is so regressive and I'm suppose to be a progressive brotha, but strange things happen when your in need of a little change. So if you know of anyone who is looking for a young man and who has some cash, let a brother know. I'm just serious. Make sure you tell her that I'm flier than a mothersucker. I've paid off my rent for the rest of my lease and I have enough money to pay all bills for the rest of the summer, but that's about it (that's kinda not true, but still-very few dollars will be left over). A brother has applied and interview for jobS. I don't know what's going on, but I am in need of cash and companionship, so why not kill two birds with one stone. Get the companionship and cash. The companionship is not that serious, the cash is. If anyone has any leads, follow up with me..lol

Second, why is it that we are validated by being in a relationship? I've heard and read some of the craziest things lately. Family members asking friends or fellow bloggers about their current relationship status or even worst asking other family members about their status. Each time the question has been ask, the answer has been, no and their family members are like why aren't they with someone. Next time someone asks that question, your response should be "because you set a bad example. Your relationships were so messed up they just discouraged me and completely distroted my views on dating or getting married, so I've decided to just sleep with everyone instead (smile and walk off)." They will know not to ask you that crap again. (sidenote Betty Wright is not a game) Back to the topic at hand, one of my homeboys has it bad. He has a great GPA, good attitude, everything and this nigga is stuck on the fact he can't get a girl that he likes. Now I agree, that there are very few things that can make you feel as good as having a women who you like and your attracted to (there is a difference, some women you find attract, but you can't stand them and vice versa) doting over you, but where is the self-validation. No this is not not an excuse for a single brother. It's a serious question. Who created this theory of a person completing you? I've never seen two incomplete things that are different completle each other. Should not we be complete and satisified with ourselves first.(sidenote:I don't think we can ever be complete..we should be growing and evolving always) Two half people are just going to bump against each other, trying to make themselves fit. Maybe we need to seek someone who compliments us, not complete us. We all are crazy, just find someone who is not so crazy. Find the most sane person you can meet and work with that. It's such a sad sight to see a hurt, insecure, bitter, immature person meet someone who is all of the above and they continue to damage each other. You're like aahhheemm this may not be a good situation for either of you, maybe you should split up...do you know they will not do it, your like both of you are crazy. What's even worst is when a damage person meets a person who is in pretty good shape (hey, we all have dents and bruises) they don't know how to treat this person, which makes the person in pretty good shape think something is wrong with them. It's something about people who are hurt they draw those type of people and something about the chaos of it all that keeps them sane. The point is: "Get your stuff together, then worry about all this extra stuff." I'm not saying don't date, but make sure your stuff together.